"Inside out"

The first time I saw this picture it grabbed me. A fellow military brat is the photographer of this amazing photo. She took it outside of Ipoh, Malaysia. She is quite the capturer of visual art. elephantdreams is her website.

Like the title states I am feeling inside out. More so I am feeling like I am on the inside looking out. My husband is still unemployed. I am working part time. We are not meeting our expenses. He was offered a job last week at $25,000 less than what he was making before. He could take the job, but we would be almost squeaking by. Of course, we would be making too much for any financial assistance like free and reduced meals for our two younger kids in school.

I asked him tonight if it was time to start letting others see how upset I am over this. I do have a smile to share even though I am scared inside. There are times I feel like just crying. I haven't yet. I am surprised I am able to eat or want to. Usually when I am stressed I don't eat. I had a hard time with anorexia when I was a teenager and it has popped up a few times since.

When the unemployment check comes in do we pay the car payments or the rent first? Without a car how can the kids get to school or us to and from work? Without a roof over our heads where do we sleep? We have alerted the apartmant manager to our situation. She says "okay." "Okay", we won't be evicted because we can't make rent? "Okay", everyone else is going through this too, so don't worry? It doesn't feel "okay". It is downright scary.

My girlfriend whose baby I was taking care of was laid off two weeks ago. She was shocked. Me too. She said at least her husband was still employed. That is what I used to think in my situation. Her husband was laid off last week. My husband has never had any difficutly finding work. I am amazed at how well he is keeping his head above water. I feel like telling my oldest who is considering getting out of the service to stay in because the jobs he thinks he will find will be filled by people like his mom and dad. It could come to my husband and I working fast food. I had a dream that I was back working at Jack In The Box some twenty years later. That was my first job. I will be 40 next week. Will that be my next job?

Brat Pack Feature Treasury

Brat Pack Feature Treasury

LizEdgar

timelessinpirations

CreationsAnew

rhradcliffedesigns

Oceankisses

GoodScents

butteredparsnips

terryann

designsbymariejulie

I Have Been Featured...

I am BRAT of the week on the Etsy Military Brat Team forum. Way cool!

http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6015569


To top that off, a sweetheart of a BRAT has featured me on her blog. Love ya, Terryann!

http://justsoterryann.blogspot.com/


I was also featured on our Military Brats of Etsy blog:

http://etsymilitarybratteam.blogspot.com/


Thank you. I am going through some rough times and this has been such a boost. Hugs 2 all!

Okay, God

Well, crap. My girlfriend was laid off today. I will no longer be taking care of her infant son. She was more upset for me since my husband is still umemployed. Heavy sigh.... Okay, so God closes one door and then opens another. Wonder what he has planned for us. I think I will keep an eye on the windows, too.

Angel Purity by lyonscreations

Truthfulness

Why is it so hard for my oldest to tell the truth? He lies to me repeatedly. He has gone UA a second time. This time he was away from base six days. His girlfriend told me he had returned to base. He tells me he has permission to leave. Doesn't. Didn't. Never did. I have received calls from a warrant officer and his school instructor informing me of his disappearance.

His girlfriend had a baby in November of '08. I asked her who the father was. She told me the name of another fellow. My son was present when I asked. Mind you I don't know this young lady very well. Last week I received a text from her phone, while he was with her, saying the other fellow was tested and he is not the father. I received an email from her a couple days later, after he had gone back to base, saying she wants to have the other fellow tested to rule him out. The other possible father is my son. My son tells me today on the phone that they were pretty sure in the beginning that he was the father. Why did he wait until today to tell me this? Why not months ago? I went with my son to the hospital the day after the baby was born. I went into the NICU with his girlfriend to see her son. I have even held the little guy.

He tells me he has been in contact with his biological father whom he met two years ago for the first time. Says that his father has offered to help out if they need any assistance. This man was never there for his own son. Would be nice to think that he will be there for his possible grandson. My son and his father are both full of malarky. They tell the greatest stories and believe them. It is very frustrating.

So here I sit not knowing if I am this child's grandmother. I would love to be a part of his life now if I am. My son has proposed to his girlfriend. That is great and all, except he can't seem to keep his butt on the base. When he left Camp Pendleton the first time his pay was stopped. How is this suppose to benifit a wife and child? Now he owes the Marine Corps money for being UA.

My tummy is in knots. My heart strings feel like they are loose and just dangling in the wind waiting for his next set of stories. My husband tells me I talk to my son like I would with a friend. I thought about this. He is right. I am afraid. Afraid I will lose contact with my son. Gee, what is worse, having him lie to me constantly or not hearing from him at all? Ugh!!!

oh HAPPY day

A treasury of cheery items from the Etsy teams I am a part of. I first joined the San Diego East County Team and then joined the Military Brat Team. I love Valentine's Day and wanted to share the love.


I chose the title from a card I purchased from a member of the San Diego East County Team. I totally love her work. So creative.

Thought for the Day

"Take a moment and draw a circle around the following personal characteristics that you possess: confidence, poise, imagination, initiative, tolerance, humility, love, cheerfulness, faith enthusiasm, courage, honesty, serenity. I hope you circled them all because all are within each of us. It is simply up to us to bring them out."
— J. Wooden

My friend emailed me this quote. I wanted to share it.

I have been having a rough time. Holidays are usually really, really hard for me. My mind was elsewhere this season with concern over my oldest son's choice to leave Marine base without permission. Last night he turned himself in. He may either face time in the brig, their jail, or be discharged. I am just relieved he owned up and turned himself in.

My husband has been jobless since the 29th of December. He has been looking and hopefully will have a position next week. He works in the automotive repair and tire industry. It came as a shock to us.

My husband's aunt says, "Chin up, boobies out." Makes me laugh.